ROB SEITZ grew up in Soldotna, Alaska. He started fishing with his grandfather, Larry Lancashire, on Cook Inlet.  
He now trawls, and crabs out of Morro Bay, California.  He lives there with his wife and two children. He’s been going to Fisher Poets since the second year, when his long-time friend talked him into going, and he started performing a few years ago, and is now a “regular.”

VIDEO

Rob Seitz performs "Football Food" "Isabelle" "Anchors, Change and that '92 Dodge"                                                            Video courtesy of Brad Wartman, 2018.

AUDIO



WRITINGS



A Strategy for Filling the Boat


Much of what I think I know about life, has
been learned while trying to fill a boat up with fish.
Success, and failure depend on willingness
to untie the lines, and go take a risk.

You can’t just follow the pack,
don’t waste time chasing radio fish.
Expect some water hauls,
it takes more than just  a wish.

If you fear making mistakes, you’ll miss out
on the lessons to be learned.
The Fish-Gods don’t just give them fish away,
they want them to be earned.

Every set you make, is
another one you’ve lost,
prioritize wisely,
cause opportunity costs.

Keep your wits about you,
always be ready to duck,
it’s a foolish fisherman
who depends solely on their luck.

On those times, when it seems the fish,
are in everyone else’s gear,
your day will come if you keep trying,
just be patient, and persevere. 

It’s best if you enjoy what you are doing,
for it to satisfy something inside yourself.
Cause if you’re only doing it for the money,
You oughta be doin something else.

And, when your trip is over,
If you’re not high boat,it doesn’t mean you’ve failed,
the numbers on the weight slip, 
only tell a portion of the tale.    



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Ain't No Fish in Morro Bay


I’d never believed it could be a problem,
always seemed like a dream come true,
now I’m realizing the frustration of a fisherman, without
another fisherman he’s gotta tell lies to.

I can tow where ever I want,
don’t have to worry about anyone crowding my spot.
Never thought I would miss telling someone 
I found fish, in the opposite direction of where they were really caught.

Not a blip on the radar screen,
nor voice on the radio,
I pick-up the mike and say to no-one,
‘we didn’t have much on that last tow’. 

See, being a fisherman is a skill,
of which, finding fish is only a part.
Keeping the other boats off’em,
that’s where it becomes an art.

So, now I’m a painter, without a canvas,
a sculptor, without any clay.
I might have to run for office,
just to keep my lyin’ talent from slipping away.

But if you’re a dragger looking for fish,
and you’re thinkin of heading down my way,
I may be lonely, but I ain’t stupid,
AINT NO FISH DOWN IN MORRO BAY

Well, I’ll quit my whining,
about this lonely, and forlorn life,
guess I’ll just have to be satisfied
with lyin to the wife.   



----------------------------



Wife Rustler


Beware of cowboys claiming
to know nothing about romance.
You wouldn’t know it by the way Ron was twirling
my wife at the after-hours dance.

Later that night in bed,
back in our hotel room, 
right at that crucial moment,
she yelled ‘giddy-up buck-a-roo’.

Now I don’t know what to think,
I might have to say enough,
she wants me to wear a neck scarf,
and special order pointy-toed x-tra tuffs.

I’ve heard his story about Ronaldo,
and Ron, that’s a really good try,
but its become crystal clear to me,
cowboys, just like fishermen, lie.



----------------------------



Stock Assessments for Dummies


The people at the meetings
have many letters, both
preceding, and or, following their names.

They also have,
a forest’s worth of paper,
containing graphs, and charts
to represent fish, and their abundance,
or more commonly,
the lack thereof.

The fish I catch
have never seen these pieces of paper,
they’ve never heard about
the people with all those letters, both
 preceding and or following their names

Nor do they know about
the significance
of all those letters.

If they did know,
maybe, they would try harder
to reflect
what those pieces of paper say.

Or, perhaps
those pieces of paper
would be a better representation of the fish,
if
the people with all those letters, both
preceding, and or, following their names
would take-up
origami.  



----------------------------



Lucky Day


Every tow I hope,
that  I’ll have the pleasure,
 of dragging up
a pirates treasure.

I’d head for town,
with speed, and stealth.
To put to work
my new found wealth.

They’d start construction  
right away,
on my brand new boat
fishing vessel Lucky Day.

I’d paint ’er green
cause she’d be the envy of the fleet.
There’d be a hot tub in place
of the captains seat.

The shine from her newness
could be seen for miles.
The guys on deck, always   
wearin smiles.

In the galley, every modern 
convenience we could need.
And a real French chef,
sayin bon appetit.

She’d be built so sturdy,
have such a stable ride.
It wouldn’t matter what the weather
was doin outside.

Her engines would growl
like a dog with a piece of meat,
her stern so responsive, 
like a cat in heat.

In the wheelhouse there’d be
orange juice, and coffee on tap.
In the head, a solid gold five gallon bucket,
for takin a crap.

The one thing I wouldn’t have 
is a stinkin T.V.
Instead there’d be lots of signed
first editions to read.

Now I know what they say,
about money, and fools.
But every boat should have a set
of ruby studded tools.

Yeah, that’s what  I’d do,
 right, or wrong,
I’d just keep on fishing
till that pirates treasure was gone.           



----------------------------



Net Menditation


To mend a hole in a net,
one must always begin, and end 
on a three-bar.

The rest is just points,
and siders.

Pass the needle through the mesh,
        Then around it to make the knot.

Then repeat, repeat, repeat.

Once your hands
     know how to fix the holes,
your mind is free,
     to go elsewhere.



----------------------------



 2.5 gpf

Grandpa’s old wooden fish-boat
wouldn’t have been complete
with-out that five gallon bucket
ou-tfitted with a toilet seat.

You’d just fill it half-full of water
straight from the deck hose.
Apply the seat,
and assume the pose.

There was no plumbing
to go awry.
When you were done with your business
you just dumped it over the side.

Well those saddle-bronc cowboys
Have nothing on me.
Cause I’ve rode that bucket 
in forty-foot seas.

In weather like that 
it was quite a ride.
Pants around your ankles
sliding side to side.

The water from the bucket
would get your backside drenched.
Kinda like those toilets
designed by the French.

Yeah, to ride that bucket
you had to swallow some pride.
but it sure beat the hell
outta hanging over the side.        


----------------------------


Football Food

If it's true,
what they say,
and  you are what you eat.

My boy , with his 
ling-cod fueled  tenacity & stamina,
is going to go through your boy
like a hot knife , through partially hydrogenated vegetable oil,
and leave him laying there
like some disease laden feedlot cow
staring stupidly , wondering,
what just happened.

Now , it's not my place
to tell anyone  how to raise their kids,
but  I hope someone
will build their boy out of ling-cod too.
Because my boy , 
is going to need someone
to play with.


----------------------------


Family Dynamic


When I get on the boat,
and I point 'er out to sea.
I always remind the crew
this ain't no democracy.

I don't want no mis-behaving,
and dontcha give me any lip.
Cause this here fishing vessel
is a dictator-ship.

My word is law,
and I'll bend their will to mine.
If it ain't so now,
it will be in short time.

But back on land
all my authority is lost.
It's just like my kids say
“at home mommy is the boss.”

Now I've heard all those theories,
about who should wear the pants.
But when dealing with matters of town
my wife has a better grasp.

Like a lot of fishermens wives
she's smarter than the guy she's married to.
So it only makes good sense
for her to rule the roost.

She runs a real tight ship
it could pass any inspection.
The slightest piece of dust or dog hair
are beyond my detection.

See, I've crossed breaking bars,
been in the worst storm's you've ever seen.
But, that stuff don't scare me half as much
as neglecting to keep the bathroom clean.

She's a loving mother
but will stand for no infraction.
Homework is as disciplined
as a military action.

The pace at which she works
is staggering to see.
If I ran my crew that hard,
they'd probably mutiny.

So, I'll be the boss at sea.
She'll be the boss in town.
I think them fish are lucky
it ain't the other way around.